The Sick Note

Kind Sir, I write this note to you
To tell you of my plight
For at the time of writing
I am not a pretty sight
For my body is all black and blue
Me face a deadly grey
And I write this note to say
Why Paddy's not at work today

While working on the 14th floor
Some bricks I had to clear
But to cart them down from such a height
Was not a good idea
Well the Foreman wasn't very pleased
He is an awful sod
He said I'd have to cart them
Down the ladder in me hod

Well, clearing all those bricks by hand
It was so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel
And secured a rope below
But in me haste to do me job
I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks
Was heavier than me

And so when I untied the rope
The barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope
I started up instead
Well, I shot up like a rocket
Till to my dismay I found
That halfway up I met
The bloody barrel coming down

Well the barrel broke me shoulder
As to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top
I banged the pulley with me head
Well I clung on tightly numb with shock
From this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks
From fourteen floors below

And when these bricks had fallen
From the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel
And so started down once more
Still clinging tightly to the rope
Me body racked with pain
And halfway down I met
The bloody barrel once again

Well, the force from this collision
Was heard halfway down the block
It caused multiple abrasions
And a nasty state of shock
Still clinging tightly to the rope
I fell towards the ground
And I landed on the building bricks
The barrel had scattered 'round

While I lay there groaning on the ground
I thought I'd passed the worst
But the barrel hit the pulley wheel
And then the barrel burst
And a shower of bricks rained down on me
And I didn't have a hope
And as I lay there bleeding on the ground
I let go the bloody rope

The barrel then being heavier
It started down once more
And landed right across me
As I lay there on the floor
It broke three ribs and my left arm
And I can only say
I hope you'll understand why
Paddy's not at work today

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