The Night the Old Dun Cow Burned

Some friends and I, in a public house,
Were playing dominos one night,
When into the room a fireman came,
His face all chalky white.

"What's up?" says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost?
Have ye seen me Aunt Maria?"
"Oh, yer Aunt Maria be buggered!" says he,
"The bleeding pub's on fire!"

"Well, Oh," says Brown, "What a bit of luck!
Everybody follow me!
It's down to the cellar, if the fire's not there
Then we'll have a grand old spree!"

So, we all went down after good old Brown,
And the booze we could not miss.
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
Till we were quite like this:

Well, Smith walked over to the port wine tub,
Gave it just a few hard knocks (knock - knock).
He started takin' off his pantaloons,
Likewise his shoes and socks.

"Oh, no," says Brown, "That ain't allowed.
You can't do that thing here!
Don't go washin' your trotters in the port wine tub,
When we've got some Guiness' beer!"

Well, then there came a mighty crash!
Half the bloody roof caved in.
We were drownded in the fireman's hose
Till we were almost sober.

So we got some tacks and some old wet socks
And we tacked ourselves inside,
And we sat there getting bleary-eyed drunk
When the old Dun Cow got fried.

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