The Marshal of Fence Has a Gun

It was Great Council night in my barony
Everyone was there, it was cool as could be
I was so excited, the mood was so intense
'Cause my best friend Fergus was marshal of fence

He looked so handsome in his dark grey tights
The babes flocked to him and that ticked off the knights
Holding this humungous epee in his hand
Like he was from An Tir or Outlands
(It was just like he said, an E ticket)

The crowd was smiling, filled with good cheer
It was like they all had some of Muirdeach's beer or something
The jongleurs were playing "Greensleeves"
Then all of a sudden, Eowyn screamed,

"Look out! The marshal of fence has a gun!"
<BANG!> "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Fergus was grinning, waving his gun
Picking off burough members one by one
Oh no, Tibor's briefcase just blew to bits
Oh no, Yevsha's head just did the splits
God, the marshal's on a shooting spree
Stop it Fergus, you're embarrassing me
How could you do what you just did
Did they do this in period

An hour later Don Danulf arrived
By then the entire Fools' Guild had died
No big loss. You wouldn't believe what they brought in to can him
Archers, crossbowmen, even a cannon

("All right fergus, drop the musket and the schlager and come out of the lecture hall!")

Fergus didn't listen to what the don said
He aimed and fired and now Patri is dead
Oh it's really sad, but kind of a relief
I mean, we had this big vote coming up next week

Koby banged his gavel and called for a vote
I tried to shout, "Hold!" but it stuck in my throat
And suddenly he was knocked down by a shot from Bradamonte
But we were crying so hard because he landed right on Dante
I ran down to Fergus, I had to find out
What made him do it, why'd he spaz out
I saw the arrow had gotten him right in the ear
I knew then the end was near

So I bent down and said, in his good ear,
"Fergus, why did you do it?"
He looked up at me, grinned, and said,
"Ack, I did it . . . for approval voting by council."
Approval voting by council? Why approval voting by council?
Answer me, Fergus, why approval voting by council?
We had this one approval voting system but it was a complete
hack, it was statistically indeterminate
Answer me, Fergus, why approval voting by council?
Oh God, this is like the Arthurian cycle when you find out
Lancelot and Guinevere were in bed
but now we'll never find out because, like, he's dead

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